That's a Wrap.

Overall, I think that I am both happy and sad with this semester. As always, things did not turn out as planned. But, there's nothing we can really do about that except try to do the things that make us happy.

For the first time in college, I have some wonderful grades this semester. After struggling for three years, I think my time has finally come. Now that I've actually figured out what I want to do...or at least the direction I want to go...I am excited to work towards it. I think that is really important. But, at the same time, I'm also hesitant to do anything. I don't want to grow up. I never have. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Then I look around and realize that everyone else feels pretty much the same way on the inside, and comparing yourself to other people's outsides will do nothing but make you feel worse.

I've been inside of my head quite a bit this semester. With friends coming and going in and out of the country to study abroad, my social interaction has been lacking. Once again, good and bad. I've found that I need to push myself to be social, and if I am not social, I start to pull back, making it harder to be more social. It seems like a Catch-22...I need social interaction to be more socially active.

You know, it's really hard being in college as a student who has lost a parent. Not just during certain times of the year, but all of the time. Every day. I feel like that is something not many people understand unless you have been personally affected by it. If I see you with a parent, I think about the one that is not here. If I don't do well on a test, I talk to the parent that isn't here. If I had a great run, I talk to the parent that isn't here. See what I'm getting at? Let me tell you, it can get exhausting constantly having one sided conversations. You start to feel crazy after a while. Most people think that after 7 years I would be okay, "back to normal," or, how I sometimes think about it, "smart again." But there are days, weeks, even months that I lose my concentration, I can't look up from the sidewalk, or even send back a text message. That in itself is enough to make me want to stop going to school, and on top of that people expect me to participate? They really expect me to go to a club or event every week to see people who I have no interest in talking to when I feel upset? College is hard.

College is hard for everyone. I've tried different things in college. Joined the crew team, was an engineer, changed majors, added a second major, tried out for a lot of things, and was denied for a lot of those things, if not every single one of them. That's another thing that really ticks me off. My GPA in college is definitely not a representation of the student that I actually am. I know the material that I learn in class, but sometimes I forget something on a test. Or I don't do well in a class because I am worried about my grandmother, or I was thinking about my dad for an especially long time. I like to learn, but I'm not sure the school system is for me. Here they only take into account what you can write on a piece of paper rather than how much effort you actually put into learning the material. I love spewing facts about random things that I picked up throughout the day, or something that I learned in my textbook. That doesn't mean I should have a GPA that doesn't qualify me to join a club. Of course, based on my thoughts from above, I'm not even sure I would attend said club if I got in.

I guess that all you can really do is try. There is a french quote that I love:

L'important c'est d'essayer

it means "the importance is in trying." That has been my motto for the past few weeks. No matter what happens with school or life or anything, the best and brightest thing you can do is try. Honestly, you are going to be just fine with anything that happens. Failing a test, getting a bad grade, not making the team, you will still be able to say that you gave it your best shot, it's not the end of the world. Let's face it, grades do not matter that much.

I just want to keep trying. I want to push myself to run a marathon one day. I want to get better. Better in every aspect. Better at being optimistic and better at talking and better at learning. Better at running and better at art. I want to make my own movies and I want to learn a new language and read so many books. Maybe even write my own book. (emphasis on the maybe for that one...) Whatever I do, I just have to keep going. You should too. It's human nature to want things, and if you take anything away from this, it is to just keep trying.

That's what I'm going to do, so bring it on.

Here's a video that I made to inspire myself, it has all of my favorite inspirations: The Olympics, Harry Potter, and Disney. I hope it inspires you too!

Check it out: https://vimeo.com/123873657

That's Life.

I...

I don't mind sitting in silence.

I like laying on the beach at night. 

I like to ride my bike around my town with my sunglasses on.

I don't mind re - explaining something if someone doesn't understand.

I love making someone laugh.

I think the little things are the most important.
I like singing at the top of my lungs, no matter how off-key.

I know that everyone can draw something.
I love when someone remembers what I said and brings it up again.

I believe in second chances, but not everyone deserves one.

I love listening to music.
I love the smell of an old bookstore.
I think it's very important to try something new.

I like the feeling of rain on my face.
I believe in karma.

I love when someone hugs you goodbye, or hello.

I love being silly.
I know that no one is perfect.
I think we should take every chance we get.

I think reading is important for your soul.

I know that everyone knows something I don't.

I love surprise parties.
I like both sending and receiving good morning texts.
I think that you should be polite and nice to everyone, no matter who they are.

I love playing the piano.

I know that getting a bad grade isn't the end of the world, and grades are not the most important thing.

I like how quiet it is when the snow falls.

I love the way colors mix together when I paint.

I think it's fascinating how we can't see wind. 

I like to climb trees.

I like how every scar has a story.

I know I can't do everything, but I can do anything.

I love the smell of the ocean.

I like not wearing shoes in the summer.

I like bonfires and s'mores in the summer with my best friends.

I don't believe in bedtimes.

I like to leave my phone behind.
I know that our past has made us who we are, but it does not define our future.

I love movie marathons.
I love playful kittens who snuggle.

I am mesmerized by sunsets.

I think it would be cool to skydive, even though it sounds terrifying.

I want to learn how to surf.
I love how an old book feels in your hands.

I never want to look back in regret.

I like how the classics never get old.

I love backyard barbecues.

I like thunderstorms.

I love a good comeback story.
I like to clap along with the FRIENDS theme song.
I like how we have the power to change anything, at any time.

I love how inspiring photography is, but

I know that you can't capture every moment through a lens.

I never want to lose my imagination.

I love a great beach day.

I think there is nothing like a good drive, with that perfect song, and those perfect people.

I like how lightning looks when it strikes.

I love to cook.

I want to own a huge sailboat one day.

I believe in the power of the ocean.

I love the colors of the fall and the smell of spring flowers.

I think a day is never wasted if you're happy with what you're doing.

I love how extraordinary people can be.

I love how many things we can enjoy.

That's Life.

Change.

I'm beginning to realize the true value of family and friends. I know that I talk about how much I value my friends and family, but recently I have seen the REAL value. It's hard to explain. Maybe it's the fact that they have never left my side, always there in the background, always cheering me on, always supporting me. I've seen people come and go, but these people, they don't forget about me, they don't ignore me. They truly, truly love me. I can be my silly, weird self around these people. These are the people who have been here all along and always will be. Whether it's been recently, or for as long as I can remember. People need other people, and these are the people I need, the ones I'm going to hold on to.

I'm sorry that I haven't posted in over a month, but, as I've said before, I've been so busy participating. There has been so much that has happened. It's been up, down, around in circles and zig-zagged all over the place. And that's okay. I don't think a straight line for a life is much of a life at all.

Did you know that the average person has about 50,000 thoughts per day? Around 70,000 if they are a deep thinker? So, you could imagine that I have thought about a lot of things in a month. I've started a quote book, read The Book Thief(highly recommend), and I'm still managing to get good grades and have a social life! So I guess you could say that things are going well. I'm really looking forward to this summer. I've made some great plans with Laura and my friends and it's just going to be so fun. I can hardly wait until finals are over.

It's going to be a transformation summer. Things are going to change for me. I'm going to make them change, I'm ready for it. I think I've just been feeling stuck for a while, and it's time to do something about it. It's time to let go of the things that have been holding me back and really jump back into life again. Clean my room, paint the walls, get a job, buy new clothes, anything. I'm excited.

I've been really into hand lettering quotes now, so here's just a fewwwww:

Annnnnd some fun pictures with some great people:

With finals just around the corner, I'd better get back to studying.

That's Life.

Hakuna Matata.

Why are we always trying to impress other people? I hate when I go onto Twitter or Instagram and see how much people are trying to impress others. They show off their social life with posed pictures and constantly updating their statuses that they are so glued to the Internet and completely forgetting about the friends that are sitting right next to them waiting to have a real conversation. They stress themselves out trying to impress others that they miss the vacation that they are on and once they get back they complain how it was "too short." I just don't understand how things have gotten to this point. It all seems so meaningless. I'm not even really sure if people notice that they are doing it either.

I don't know about all of you, but with every single one of my friends I would not ask them to be anything but themselves. They don't need the top name brands, or fancy vacations to impress me. I just like them for well..as cliche as it sounds....them. They are loyal and considerate and make me laugh all of the time. If they listen to what I have to say and make me smile when I'm about to cry, I couldn't ask for anything else.

This weekend I went to see the musical 'Meet Me in St. Louis' and when we got back something just hit me. All of the adults (I, of course, do not consider myself an adult yet...) were talking about how much construction was on the road, and how many potholes were in the road and I realized how silly it sounded. Why are we concerning ourselves with this? I don't want to grow up to talk about how the economy is failing or complain about politics...why can't we still act like children and be completely enthralled in what the clouds look like, or how beautiful the stars look on a clear night.

Based on my previous blog posts, I realize how frequently I talk about why we shouldn't be in such a rush to grow up. Maybe it's not so much about not growing up but more that we shouldn't rush through things. I mean, think about it. We have instant access to Internet in our pockets, tablets and computers. We can call anyone in the world in three seconds. Everything is moving so quickly, but would it really hurt to turn that all off and go take a walk? Really people, why do we always have to move so fast?

Just a few more thoughts for you....

I want to be a strong person. A mentally and physically strong person. I've struggled in the past, and I'll struggle in the future, and I may be struggling now, but I'm determined not to give up this time. I think that once I don't care about impressing people, or rushing through everything, or growing up to fast, that I can finally be happy and free from everything that once held me back.

I have recently been inspired to gain all kinds of knowledge. Knowledge of any kind too: vocabulary, random facts, learning a language, learning all kinds of instruments, just....everything. And I know that "everything" is a HUGE term. And yes, of course I know that I won't be able to know everything but I will never push away something new to learn.

A feel good song to end the day:

And how I think that everyday should be spent. 

Well,

That's Life.

Participate.

Hellooooo! Sorry that I haven't posted anything in a month but I've been so busy participating. On the weekend of my birthday one of my friends from one of my first classes freshman year convinced me to go out with her and a bunch of friends. Ironically, this was the weekend that formal recruitment started and I still wasn't sure if I made the right decision to not join a sorority. Well, thanks to that night I've made some awesome new friends, I have a gym buddy now that motivates me to go to the gym everyday, and I haven't laughed as much as I have these past two weeks in a while. Along with all of that, we just got housing for next year and I'm in a townhouse with all of these great people and  we know every person on all three floors of the building. Next year is going to be epic and I am SO excited. #themagictownhouseisreal

So, you know how my last post was about making your own happy? Well, since then I have been thinking about that, and I don't think that you can do that all on your own. I think that you always need a little help, whether your friends are sitting with you at the table making you laugh so hard until you cry, or if you know that they are just a phone call away. But either way, you can't be all alone all of the time. Last semester I focused on school work and got good grades, but I didn't do much else. But already this semester I've started to break out of that cycle, and it's been fantastic. I feel so much better. I feel like I belong somewhere concrete now, not just "at school."

Well, anyways, how many of you watched the Olympics?? I think I'm going through withdrawal from not having them on every night but it's gotten me so excited for my snowboarding trip this weekendddddd. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AND. Laura's coming this time. We gonna have funnn. I will try not to fall on my head so much but I'm determined to land a jump this time, and I will get it on video. :{D

Other than that, I have an MRI sometime over spring break to check on my hip to see what's going on with that, my french teacher told me that my accent is getting very good, I got most of my homework for the break done so I don't have to worry about it, and I don't have so much of a grudge towards sororities. I don't hate them, but I'm just glad that I didn't join one.

I started to reread Divergent before I lent it to someone to read so we could go see the movie together, but while I was reading the first couple of chapters, I started to think of a list of all of the qualities that I hope to have someday. Here it goes:

1. Selflessness.

2. Have courage.

3. Listen with the intent to understand, not to reply.

4. Always be kind.

5. Give everyone an equal chance.

6. Be silly.

7. Be grateful.

8. Have confidence.

On that note, I found this great video on YouTube the other day, and I highly recommend that you watch it:

SPRING BREAK WOOOOO!!

So,

That's Life. 

Make Your Own Happy.

Well, this was the last day that I was 19 years old. Even though I have Wednesdays off to begin with, we had the day off from school because of ice and really bad weather...but tomorrow is my birthday!!!!!! I'm kind of scared for this one actually. Of course, I'm bringing in the day while watching Friends. favorite. I haven't got too much planned, except that my mom and sister are supposed to come on Sunday to go to a movie and lunch, and I'm really excited about that. Other than that, I'll see how the day goes.

Other than that, we are in the middle of week two where every girl in a sorority cannot talk to me, look at me, even say hello. I'm not kidding either, I say hi to them and they just stare at me. It's...what's that word, the one that there are entire movements dedicated to stop it...oh yeah, bullying. This is legitimate bullying and I'm just about sick of it. You would think after seeing all of the news about kids who are bullied and tortured in schools that people would have enough sense to make a stand against it. So, ya know what, I'm going to take a stand. I don't care who I have to talk to or what I have to do but this will not happen again next year. What surprises me the most is that kids just say "oh yeah, it happens every year." And they just put up with it! These three weeks are termed "disaffiliation" by the panhellenic council(the greek life rulers). And I was thinking about the term and it is actually ridiculous. Instead of isolating the girls who aren't in a sorority the girls should instead "disaffiliate" themselves from the sorority they are in. Remove all letters from campus and have three greek - free weeks. Now, before all of you start a riot on me, I'm just saying, imagine that you are ignored for three weeks. You eat by yourself or pretend like you don't even know your friends...wouldn't feel so good now would it? No, I didn't think so. So why on Earth are we even putting ourselves through this?

Here comes another branch of the rant. Why put yourself through something that would make you, or someone that you care about, feel so awful? Why can't we just do what makes us happy, what puts a smile on someone's face, or a happy, grateful tear in their eye. I just don't understand why some people can be so selfish, or so mean in the first place. Just love where you are in this moment. And if you don't? You have the power to change it.

Well...this certainly took a turn on the unexpected rant side...

So on that note, and in the spirit of Nashville being on tonight:

A repeat but it's amazing.


A happy picture:

andddddd OLYMPICS TOMORROW!!! USA USA USA

I've got loads more to talk about, but that's for tomorrow. Until we meet again.

That's Life.

Follow Your Arrow.

Okay, I have a new obsession in country music. Kacey Musgraves. Yes, it is the girl who performed at the Grammy's, and her album is AMAZING. I'm completely obsessed and I listen to it nonstop. She's amazing. I mean, this girl speaks the truth.

So, speaking of Kacey Musgraves, one of her songs, Follow Your Arrow describes exactly how my week has been. When I first decided that I wanted to join a sorority every person that I told said "oh my god you're the last person I would expect that would do that," or "why would you do that?" or something of that sort. Now that I said that I didn't want to join one anymore the popular response is "why not just give it a shot," or "at least go and meet the girls and then decide, you're missing out on something so big." Hmmmm. Well, as the song would go,

"You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't so you might as well just do whatever you want."

And you know what, my arrow doesn't point to a sorority. It points somewhere else. You know I'm not quite sure where it's pointing to...but I've made my decision. And if you want to tell me that it's something so much bigger than myself and all of the amazing people that I meet, I will listen to you patiently without interruption. But I have met so many people doing what I truly love to do. I've met people in cross country and swimming and crew and classes and group and countless other places as well. I look forward to traveling and meeting so many other people and doing so many other things and although joining a sorority might be in so many other paths, I've decided that it is not in mine. 

Well, that felt really good. 

So I read an article online about how P!nk should be every girls role model, and she is one of mine now after reading it (after Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Watson of course...) 

Here's the article if you want to read it: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mackenziekruvant/pink-is-the-role-model-every-girl-should-have

Accompanied by an inspirational picture:

In other news....

I accidentally popped my shoulder out of it's socket by lifting a 12 - pound weight over my head while I was in the gym today....yes, yes I do realize that is pathetic...

I've gotten really into watercolors with pen and ink, seriously amazing. Pics to come.

I love surprising people. :) <3

Nashville was great as usual.

I eat lots of ice cream and I have no shame.

FlappyBird is ridiculous, addicting, frustrating, and I could barely put it down to write this. Get it. My record is 12, Laura's is 33. Mission accepted.

Beyonce is worth $350 million dollars.

And seriously...listen to Kacey Musgraves. serious.

Follow Your Arrow.

That's Life.

Invisible.

What a horrible day. First, I went to the gym. The gym wasn't bad, but I cannot run until I get an MRI. This is because I may have torn a ligament in my hip and it could require surgery to fix. This is because ligaments do not get enough blood flow to heal themselves like other muscles can. But I won't know until I get an MRI and I won't get one until the semester is over. So it's the elliptical and bike for me until then. It's strange that you could absolutely not want to do something(like run) until someone tells you "you cannot run." Then, all of a sudden it's the only thing that you want to do. C'est la vie.

Then I had class, which again wasn't horrible, just horribly boring. I guess that's what I get for reading ahead and coming to class prepared. LOL.

So I get back to my room and finish up my homework, waiting for Deanna and Dan to get back. Only to find out that I can't be seen with, talk to, or eat with her for THREE WEEKS because I'm a "potential new member" for sorority recruitment. It doesn't even matter if I'm not planning on rushing. Which is complete BS. She's my roommate for crying out loud!!!! That just got me so upset today. It's completely ridiculous and I don't understand the concept at all. These girls have to ignore you, and they won't talk to you or even say HELLO and then they expect you to want to be a "sister" to their sorority and do everything they tell you to do, make all of these crafts for them, and practically be a slave until you are in. It's actually absurd. Sorry to all of my friends in a sorority, not bashing you, but this is just insane, like I really need to feel like my friends don't want to talk to me. It makes you feel so invisible.

So, after asking several people if they had eaten (which all of them had...) I ventured to get some food on my own. But you know what they say, every cloud has a silver lining, and I found two of my crew teammates and caught up with them, and I didn't end up eating dinner alone. And there were Lucky Charms. :)


And so, after a hard day that makes me just want to cry, listening to country songs always makes me feel better.

My favorite line is "There's so much more to this life than you're feeling now."

And this song reminds me that we all have "a life that's good" if we can all find that silver lining.

That's Life.

Loud Minds.

Well, I'm back at school. Back to homework and reading and outlines and all of that crazy nonsense. Although I'm watching the Food Network/X Games right now and The Grammy's are on tonight so that's not too bad. And I haven't even been that slammed with work yet either! 

I love love lovveeeee LOVE my French class. I can't wait to go to every week. I love my teacher, the group I'm in, how the language sounds, just everything about it. I can't wait to go to France and talk to people and everything. All of my other classes are pretty average.

So, now you're updated. Here's what I've been thinking about this weekend...

1. People are loud. They can be very very loud. So connected to themselves that they cannot see something outside of the little world that they surround themselves in. And I think that the things that most people do not see can be some of the most important things in the world.

2. I want to practice animation. I want to get some practice in animation and on the computer. Creating moving things and work in animation when I get older. (in fact there is someone coming to talk TCNJ who is an animator!!) 

3. I love the snow. Love everything about it. It's beautiful and quiet and calm and I wish that I could go snowboarding, and it's been snowing here quite a bit!

4. I don't want to get older and look back in my life and say "you know, I regret that time that I...." I want to do what makes me happy. But right now, I think that is just working hard in school, meeting new people, practice drawing, going to the gym, etc etc....

Alright well, I'm starting to get a headache and I have to read a little, but here are some pictures to think about:

Well he just says it all...

I absolutely love this quote.

You should always have summer.

This picture just makes me happy. "Adventure is out there!"

That's Life.

Catch Up Post.

I can't believe that I haven't posted anything since Thanksgiving. THANKGIVING people!!! I apologize to those of you who may follow my blog, and I am going to try to post more often now. So I don't really want to bore you with the details of my winter break. I went to Florida to visit my grandparents, which was really fun! And then when Laura and I came back we went to see Annie on Broadway(with our cousin, or uncle...?..as Daddy Warbucks!), went to visit our cousins, and then I went to go see more adorable cousins and visit Rachel at school. After all that, I basically collapsed on the couch and didn't want to move anymore. So, with school in just a few days the textbooks have arrived, the school supplies have been purchased and it's time to get it together.

Over the past few days, I've really had quite a bit of time on my hands now that all of my friends are back at school. With this time I've been painting, dancing around the house, playing piano, packing things back up, and watching absurd amounts of Gossip Girl. I've been thinking about a lot too. Mostly about my dad, but also college, and sororities, and just everything. I'm pretty sure that I am not going to join a sorority. No specific reason except that I need to focus on my grades and doing just that during the past semester has been hard enough. It also just doesn't seem like...me. Although I have been on and off about it since break started...I just have to make a decision I guess.

So, a new year means a bunch of new resolutions. I've never been fantastic at keeping resolutions but I've made a few of them. The usual lose weight, go to the gym more, read more, get great grades, don't procrastinate my homework, eat healthy and all of that. But while I was making those resolutions, I had a thought about who I was right in that moment. I looked back at where I was last year and thought that I didn't need any resolutions to be where I am today, so why make more to tack up on the wall and look at everyday? I'll get where I need to be whether I have resolutions or not. So, as of right now I have decided to not put myself up to those resolutions and just live everyday as I want to, and for me, that should be enough.

Sorry that I don't have any pictures or songs up today, this post has been all over the place. Well, only one more day before I go back to school.


That's Life.

Explore.

All right. Just take a deep breath, everyone, right now.

Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for each and every one of my friends. I am thankful for warm food on the table, in a warm house, with laughter and music. I am thankful for sunshine and rain, and wind, and being able to feel deeply and love endlessly. I am thankful for the people who have been in my life and those who have gone, and for those who are yet to come. I am thankful for my And I am thankful for who I am, right here, in this moment.

Thanksgiving is always about being thankful, but I think that we shouldn't have just one day that we recognize all that we are blessed with. We should wake up everyday thankful for the people and the things that we have. I know I can't go preaching to the world, and I'll agree with you, sometimes you get so angry at things that have happened that you start to find things that you are jealous of and wish could have been different. But we cannot afford to think like that. If we just keep looking at what we don't have, we will eventually lose everything that we started with. Then we will end up with nothing. And where would we all be then? So I guess that it is good that we have one day to really think about all that we are thankful for, so that we are really reminded to be grateful.

I saw The Hunger Games: Catching Fire twice yesterday. Yes, I went twice on the same day. It was THAT good. Go ahead and judge, I don't really care, I'd go see it again really...aaaaanyways I've got two quotes to think about today, one from the previews and another from the movie. The first is from the upcoming movie 'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,' which looks almost like a grown - up perks of being a wallflower(my favorite). It looks thought provoking and wonderful. About going and and "participating in life." So, one of quotes is:

"Life is about courage and going into the unknown."

I want to go somewhere. I want to find places like this:

I just...its so frustrating that I do not know how to say this. I want to explore, I want to feel free, I want to sprint along the road as the sun is setting, I want to scream and yell into the mountains, I want to find out what life IS. I want find someplace that I belong, and I want to find someplace that, at the same time, I could not be further from home. I want be happy. I want to find....happy.

The other quote is from Catching Fire, and I couldn't find it so generally it was something like:

"Life is not measured in the number of years we have lived, but in the number of lives we have touched."

I hope that I can impact people's lives in some way. I hope that I can make some kind of difference, provide some kind of insight, some idea that I thought of that inspired someone. I think the funny thing is that we might not really ever know if we do. Do you ever wonder how people describe you to another person? Do they like you? Do you make any kind of impact at all? We will never really know, will we, and more importantly, do we want to know? Should we even care? I know a lot of people say that "you shouldn't care about what people think of you." That's probably true. Except that I do care. I care about friendships, I care if something I did made somebody else upset, I care if it made them happy, and I just care about people. Maybe too much, but I think that for me, that is okay, it makes me, well, (as stereotypical as it sounds...) me.

Just some thoughts.

So, That's Life.

Let's go for a Drive.

I feel like I've been on a roller coaster today. Up. Down. And around once again. I'll try to explain.

This weekend was really fun. I saw Laura in a play called Twelve Angry Jurors. The acting was phenomenal, as per usual for the Point Pleasant Borough Performing Arts. Then after a veryyyyy long chat between my acting teacher and grandparents (who knew they had so many famous connections between the three of them?!) we finally headed back home. Ice cream with Aly, of course. Then back home to a somewhat restless night. I've been having such strange dreams. My mom says that the explanation behind them is that I feel like I don't have control of something. I won't bore you with them, because I read in a book once that "there is nothing as boring as listening to someone else's dream."

Anyways, Saturday rolled along as per usual and Laur and I took over the GameStop to find cheap DS games. Three used games later, we head back home and go to see a new kitten and a bigger kitty at Aly's house. Too much cuteness.

So Friday and Saturday were fun, but then Sunday rolls around. Wake up to the smell of French Toast and music, which immediately puts a smile on my face. Then mom starts changing the songs, telling me about which songs my dad would sing to me as a little baby. And I love it, but, as my favorite book says, "I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." Well, after that I started to pack things up and Aly came to pick me up so we could go for a drive and listen to a playlist of music she made for me.

Let me tell you something about these drives. They are always perfect. I love how the music can get so loud that it feels like it surrounds every part of you. I love how you can feel the music in your bones. I love how you can smell the ocean air. I love the wind in your face. I love how we never have to say anything. I love watching things pass by. I love singing at the top of your lungs. I love just being. I love feeling infinite. And it is perfect.

I guess it's hard to explain. It's the small things that really make me truly happy. I think that makes a lot of people happy. I like getting a small note, or a hug, or when a friend makes you a cd, or even a friendship bracelet. I guess what I'm thinking is that we all need reassurance sometimes. We need someone to say "you really mean so much to me, I love you." or we just want to know that people care. I love making something for someone, just putting a smile on their face. And my friends love to do the same. I love them. So much. I love you guys, and you all know who I'm talking about. I love each and every one of you, and each of you mean so much to me.

I think that it is silly to be angry. I think that we should strive to smile. Just take a minute from our crazy lives and enjoy something. Go look at the sunset, hug a friend, or walk on the beach. Play the guitar and sing as loud as you can with your friends, or eat an entire roll of Toll House Cookie Dough. Watch your favorite movie, or stay up until 5am. Just take in everything wonderful and smile. Just be happy.

Here's one or two of my favorites from the playlist.

....or three :)

Well, just a thought or two.

That's Life.

Wishes.

Wow Halloween was the last time I wrote something? Pathetic. Especially because I have been thinking about so many things lately. No excuses but I really only like to post on the blog when I have some kind of artwork to put up as well, and since I've been SLAMMED with work, that clearly hasn't happened in a while. I've actually had this post waiting as a draft for a while and I'm not really sure why. oh wells.

Sooooo, my days have been no more exciting than usual. I went home this past weekend and met two of Aly's friends from school and we just laughed and laughed. It reminded me of when Deanna came to visit and saw Ally and Aly and we were in the diner and didn't stop laughing either. ya had to be there. Anyways, they were really really nice and I liked them a lot. I like to meet new people, especially when you hang out for a while and you just feel comfortable. It's kind of different. There's something unique in genuine laughter. Not nervous laughter, not pretend laughter, but real happy laughter. It's contagious.

I'm going home again this weekend(I know, I go home a lot right?) but this time I'm going to see Laur in a play called the 12 Angry Jurors. I'm excited about it, I always love going to see plays and musicals.

So I've been thinking a lot about wishes lately. Hope. Wishes. Dreams. To me they are all the same. And I am just full of them. And that's okay, because I like dreaming and I like having something to hope for, even if it is ridiculous sometimes. I think that if you don't have any wishes you might as well not have any imagination either, because sometimes creating something crazy may just come true. I mean, that's how Walt Disney World started. That's how Harry Potter started. The Hunger Games, Alice in Wonderland...I really could keep going. And look at what people have done with those dreams. Made them real. I know sometimes I lose myself in a wish and that is not a great thing, but sometimes it is just that wish that puts a smile on my face that same day. Imagination and wishes are timeless. It's like being a kid again. Why force yourself to grow up? Be silly, be goofy, be crazy, laugh, smile, hug someone. Because you should do whatever makes you happy. What's so fantastic about reality anyways?

Some people can't wait to grow up. They can't wait to get a job and have a new life and start in an apartment in the city. But I can. I remember standing on the beach one day when I was younger, about 10 or 11 and just thinking that life for me was so...simple in that moment. I lived at the beach. I woke up, went to junior guards, spent the entire day at the beach, and went home and did whatever I pleased. It was easy. And now, my life is do this assignment and that assignment, think about this, worry about that. When did life become so much more...complicated? And don't worry about me, I know that we need to grow up, focus on school, get good grades, stay on top of my work. But there will always be that part of me that just wants to be that kid on the beach again. The sun on my skin, the salty air on my face, and a boogie board in my hand. The summer when I was ten.

I've only got this for you today:

A picture of TCNJ that I took today.

And a bunch of song lyrics, working on my word art. Inspired by Carrie Underwood (if you can spot some lyrics in there)

And here are some more quotes, just to be inspired by:

Hopes. Dreams. Wishes.

That's Life.

Country and Origami.

Happy Halloween folks! There was a banana walking around campus today, along with a couple of pirates by the stud. quality.

Honestly, I hate Thursdays. I have classes and meetings all day long and by the time I'm done I'm wiped out and HUNGRY. Begged Deanna to eat with me after class and I was spotted by two crew teammates along the way, so it was a nice dinner. Miss crew...don't miss crew. It really is a draw. I don't miss getting up at 4am every weekday, erging every afternoon, fundraising, and COLD COLD mornings. Things I do miss...the team. The race. You know, I've always said that I don't like competition and never liked races but that, I've found out, is a lie. I love that competition. Running or rowing, I loved every minute of the race, no matter how much it hurt to keep going.

That's the thing with races. You never actually stop. I couldn't even tell you how many times I've THOUGHT about stopping but there was always a voice that said, "forget that, push harder." Anyone who has been in that position before would know exactly what I'm talking about. fantastic.

I've got my Disney interview tomorrow. I've thought about it though, and I'm not sure that it is the right time to do this. I'm still trying to get my grades up, and I think I'm just starting to get settled here. But I'm curious about the program so I'll still give it a shot and see where it goes. I got this far, right?

I've started to go back to origami again. I did it quite a bit a few years ago, we even decorated the Christmas tree with all things origami, popcorn and cranberries. It looked beautiful. So I'm going back to it. I have one design down flat, no directions. It's called a "Stellated Octahedron." Here's a picture of two that I made today:

They are like circles with points on them, but you can kinda get the picture.

Shout out to my sister Laur on one of the greatest Halloween costumes!! Have any of you seen Miranda Sings on YouTube? I didn't think it was funny at first but if you keep watching you will be laughing hysterically soon enough. Anywhoooo, that's who she went to school as so I have a picture for you from that too:

She can act EXACTLY like her too. It is literally hilarious. and the resemblance is uncanny. I love it.

I found out something about myself today. I need to do something creative everyday so that I don't actually go crazy. I was thinking about it, and whenever I'm home, I go to the piano when I'm feeling stressed out. So I think that I need to do something like that everyday for just a little while. I think that everybody should have something like that to do too. Just something that you love and helps you to relax. I think that people can forget to relax so quickly and just get caught up in the rush of everything around them. But it's really good just to take a moment.

Anyways, I've been in a country mood today, so here's a little Garth Brooks for you to enjoy:

Time for ice cream.

So, That's Life.

Fade into You.

Disney I am on my way!! well....hopefully. I have a phone interview on Friday at 3 so wish me luck!! I am so nervous and so excited and I really hope I get the chance to be a part of Disney magic. And, I'm not sure if it'll count for a ton of credits for school, but maybe that is just what I need. A little Disney magic and some hard work to help me remember who I want to be.

So today was okay. I had classes, and then group. Which we talked about a lot of things but I'm not sure anyone would really understand too well. It was kinda like a "you had to be there" thing.

Dinner was themed tonight. ohhhhhh the joys of Eick themed dinner. If you've never had one, come to TCNJ and experience it...because it is quite the experience. Tonight was a "Goulish gathering" which meant pink rice, questionable looking chicken, and food that was apparently supposed to look like the insides of a living thing. I've got three words for you TCNJ no.thank.you. So pasta and chicken it was, and even then it wasn't so great. shame.

Then the gang raced back up to the room and was welcomed by a phone call from the cutest cousins around. I could not stop laughing. The three of them were climbing up my uncle to try to see me, and after an accidental end of call mishap again (thanks Jackie) I saw Sofia's room and Andrew told me a hilarious knock knock joke. Ready?

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana."
"Banana who?"
"BANANAPANTS!"

uhhhhh whaaaaa??

But it was hilarious because he absolutely cracked himself up. Literally rolling on the floor because he thought it was so funny.....

So after the facetime I started preparing for the Disney phone call and then it was 10. Nashville timeeeeee. (Sorry Aly!! No AHS for me tonight) And thank you abc for that surprising ending at the end of the show. mouth open. shocked. Love the music of this show so I HIGHLY recommend you listen to all of it because there is not one bad song.

On that note, I'll leave you with one of my favorites from the show so far and I really love it because of the lyrics, and if you listen to what they are saying I just think that it's actually amazing.

Got lots to do tomorrow, along with an advising meeting on Friday but...

That's Life.

Paintings, Beaches, and Goats...Oh My.

WOW. I really need to start posting more regularly on here. Sorry folks. So I've got quite a bit to update you on....here it goes!

This weekend had its ups and downs. I watched Hocus Pocus with my mom, watched Harry Potter, went on bike rides, ate quite a bit (not surprised are you...?), went to the Halloween Parade, made cake pops, and of course, painted. Highlights were definitely seeing my friends together and going to Hoffman's like we usually do, and painting. I carved this pumpkin too!

A little Dracula Mickey for Halloween. 

I honestly could not tell you why I love painting so much, but it's something about the colors. The colors always amaze me. So, I came up with four pieces to bring back to school:

The artwork of the weekend. 

So, now I have almost completely run out of space on the walls, while Deanna's side remains..well...empty. Gotta spruce it uppp. 

So before going back to the conj I took a trip to the beach. It was windy, but so nice. I could've sat there all day if I was allowed to. But, I couldn't so I took a couple of pictures to hold me over until I go back home again.

I just loooooove it so much. You don't need music, no tv, no talking, you don't need anything. It's just you, sitting there, with an endless amount of space in front of you. Coming and going. So many people talk about comparing their lives to the ocean. And you really can, but there is something that really applies right now. Missing someone comes in waves. Some days are good, and some days are bad. They come and they go. And sometimes you feel the worst that you have in a while, and that is when the ocean water really recedes. But only when the water goes back this far, you can have enough momentum to move farther up the beach than you have before. 

Just a thought. 

Well anyways. I had such a nice time at home. But now after a little motivational chat I think I might have a chip on my shoulder. I'm ready to finish this semester, ready to work and ready to fight. We can all have those bad days, we're allowed to. But we do need to have the courage and the will to fight back with everything in our power to win. So, I applied to the Disney College Program today. If I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be right now, I think that is a step in the right direction. I'll know if I move to the next round by November 15th. Basically, the program is where I would work in Disney World and get PAID(hollllaaa!!) while taking classes. It's the perfect step to get to know people so maybe I can be an intern there one day, and then really start my career there. And I can't wait. 

So...right now everything is up in the air. Joining a sorority, studying abroad, staying at TCNJ, anything really. All I know is that I'm here because I'm supposed to be right now, and I'm taking it one day at a time. 

On a lighter note, Deanna and I were HYSTERICAL while on YouTube tonight. I was actually in tears from these videos, so I hope they make you smile too:

That's Life.

Lyin' Eyes.

Hai everyone. After not posting for more than 10 days (!!!) I've finally found enough motivation to post again. I've been having a hard time. Honestly, just going through each day sometimes can be rough. I have great friends. They help. Just being around them sometimes can make me feel a little better. Sometimes, you just need a hug.

We've got a four day weekend coming up here at TCNJ, and it could not come sooner. Seriously, longest week of my life. I can't wait for Point Pleasant food, the beach, movies, ice cream, and a lot of painting and art. Be ready. I've got some great ideas planned. I just love it so much. I've been listening to the same songs lately. Nashville soundtrack and The Eagles. The Eagles remind me of my dad so much. So it makes me happy and sad at the same time. It's really hard to explain. It makes you want to just go back. It's strange how many things you lose when something like that happens. And I just don't think that people understand that. I'm listening to this song right now:

It's nice. Music is just so....brilliant. It brings so many things. So many memories, it creates new ones, it makes you think about things. I actually have a music poster in my room. Love posters.

Yesterday I got one of the greatest surprises ever. I was complaining to Deanna that I was hungry and wanted to go eat and she kept pushing it back saying we'd go after she was done with her homework. So, after complaining a bit, I started reading and got really tired. Little did I know, Deanna and Aly were texting each other planning for her to come stay over tonight. So as I was sleeping, I was woken up by Aly calling me. I answered, tired and confused to her saying, "can you do me a favor? come outside?" Well, that woke me up. I wasn't having a great day yesterday and could not have been happier to see her then. So, she slept over and hung around today. Then part of the Brain Trust crew got dinner together, along with Dan and Deanna. (Hiiiiiiii Carl, this is for you!!) And we had a great dinner.

So, after dinner Aly left, told her I'd see her tomorrow, and back in my bed. Just one more class, go for a run, eat, clean the room, and home tomorrow night. Other than that, nothing else has really been going on. Just going through, day by day, and taking each step at a time. There's a really corny saying that I like:

"When you don't want to look at the past, and you're afraid to look at the future, look next to you and your best friends will be standing there."

I know that whether they are right here, or just a text message away, that they always will be. And that's nice to know. I don't know, this has been all over the place hasn't it....

Well, drawings and paintings to come, weekend is on its way, and well...

That's Life.

Disney Love.

I have the best friends in the entire world. They made me the greatest video in the entire world and I love them so much it's weird. OLIVE YEW GUYS. <3333

Did I mention that I love them? :)

For those of you who check up on the blog, sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been a little distracted lately. After my motivation kick on Tuesday, I've gone on a couple of runs, had my share of breakdowns, and of course, not ready for it to be Monday again. I haven't been too slammed with work, which I'm really happy about. I got all of my work due Monday done on Friday, and I've just been studying for a midterm on Wednesday. Oh joy. pumped.

Yesterday Deanna, Dan and I went to TCNJ Glow, or, as others call it, TCNDayGlow. clever little kids. It went on for FIVE hours, but we only stayed for two...ish. There were so many freshman there and once they started throwing paint the tarps we were standing on started to make everyone fall on the ground. One huge slip and slide. funs. After that Deanna and I left Dan with his friends and just hung out, ate pizzaaaaa, and watched tv. typical. Then I accidentally locked Deanna out of the room while I was sleeping...sorry girl!!

So today hasn't been eventful at all either. In fact, I've been feeling really awful today.  We didn't do anything last night and I feel so sick. I stand up and I feel dizzy and lightheaded and I've felt so awful all day, I've just been in bed. hope it is not the flu. I do NOT need that. hellllpppp :(

I had another thought today. During a commercial with babies in it, having fun and crawling around, something just came to me. (I know that sounds really weird but just bear with me!) When we are little we can just play and do what we want all day. And we can do this until we are about 13 or so. Then we have to start getting a job and working and then we are in high school. Then we go to college, and before we know it we are completely consumed in our careers and saving money for retirement and all of that. Why do we have to do that? I know we still have to, and I know that I will, and I know that I can't change it. But why? I don't want to work forever, I want to do things that I LOVE. I don't want to be stuck doing work all night long. I mean yes, I like computer science, and I want to do that, but it just seems like so much work, and I just want to enjoy everything in life. I don't know how all of you feel, but to me, it just feels a little silly.

I love Disney, as probably all of you know. If I could work there, I would be the happiest in the world. To me, Walt Disney was the kind of person who enjoyed life. He liked to show others how to enjoy life too. That's how I want to live my life. So, I think it is only appropriate for Disney quotes right now:

love.

Well, I guess that's life.

Over the Moon.

I'm not going to talk about my day today, because nothing especially exciting happened to me today. surprising, right? Anyways, I had an ordinary day until just now.

I was working on my computer science lab, listening to one of my rekindled favorites, Demi Lovato. Laying on my bed, I got distracted looking around my room and started getting annoyed because nothing was working. I was looking at all of my pictures when something caught my eye. Right above the end of my bed I taped a note to the wall that my mom wrote to me a few weeks ago. It was pretty long but I just sectioned off this one section. It says, "Love you too much! So very proud of you - we all are. Your dad would be over the moon with your successes. <333 Love, Mom." So, that made me sad. But I taped it right next to this picture:

So I looked hard at this picture. I just love this picture. And all of a sudden, I got motivated. I wanted to show him how I can succeed. I didn't want to lay in bed anymore, I wanted to get up and get stuff done. I wanted to be smart again. Be happier, be excited, go for a run, go and do something. I'm so proud to say he is my dad. 

So I went online and looked at inspirational quotes. Meanwhile, Demi is belting in out the background and I was just so...ready. So, I want you to see what I was feeling. I found these and I just got so inspired:

Listen to these when you are reading these quotes and get ready for life. 

 so I guess what I'm saying is that I'm one step closer. Maybe I haven't quite accepted everything as it is, and that will take time. But I can try to make it better. I can try to be happier. I'm not helpless. I can laugh, and I can smile. We're only given what we can handle, and the best that I can do it try. If I don't try, it was a waste of a chance. And I'm not going to waste any of my chances anymore. It's up to me. I know there will be days where it will feel like the world is crumbling down. It will hurt. And I'll be the first to admit that. But I'm not giving up. I think I've found that spark again. I lost it for a while, and I was in the dark. But it's my turn to lead the way now.  I want a great life, and I won't find it if I don't get up and live.

That's Life.