That's a Wrap.

Overall, I think that I am both happy and sad with this semester. As always, things did not turn out as planned. But, there's nothing we can really do about that except try to do the things that make us happy.

For the first time in college, I have some wonderful grades this semester. After struggling for three years, I think my time has finally come. Now that I've actually figured out what I want to do...or at least the direction I want to go...I am excited to work towards it. I think that is really important. But, at the same time, I'm also hesitant to do anything. I don't want to grow up. I never have. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Then I look around and realize that everyone else feels pretty much the same way on the inside, and comparing yourself to other people's outsides will do nothing but make you feel worse.

I've been inside of my head quite a bit this semester. With friends coming and going in and out of the country to study abroad, my social interaction has been lacking. Once again, good and bad. I've found that I need to push myself to be social, and if I am not social, I start to pull back, making it harder to be more social. It seems like a Catch-22...I need social interaction to be more socially active.

You know, it's really hard being in college as a student who has lost a parent. Not just during certain times of the year, but all of the time. Every day. I feel like that is something not many people understand unless you have been personally affected by it. If I see you with a parent, I think about the one that is not here. If I don't do well on a test, I talk to the parent that isn't here. If I had a great run, I talk to the parent that isn't here. See what I'm getting at? Let me tell you, it can get exhausting constantly having one sided conversations. You start to feel crazy after a while. Most people think that after 7 years I would be okay, "back to normal," or, how I sometimes think about it, "smart again." But there are days, weeks, even months that I lose my concentration, I can't look up from the sidewalk, or even send back a text message. That in itself is enough to make me want to stop going to school, and on top of that people expect me to participate? They really expect me to go to a club or event every week to see people who I have no interest in talking to when I feel upset? College is hard.

College is hard for everyone. I've tried different things in college. Joined the crew team, was an engineer, changed majors, added a second major, tried out for a lot of things, and was denied for a lot of those things, if not every single one of them. That's another thing that really ticks me off. My GPA in college is definitely not a representation of the student that I actually am. I know the material that I learn in class, but sometimes I forget something on a test. Or I don't do well in a class because I am worried about my grandmother, or I was thinking about my dad for an especially long time. I like to learn, but I'm not sure the school system is for me. Here they only take into account what you can write on a piece of paper rather than how much effort you actually put into learning the material. I love spewing facts about random things that I picked up throughout the day, or something that I learned in my textbook. That doesn't mean I should have a GPA that doesn't qualify me to join a club. Of course, based on my thoughts from above, I'm not even sure I would attend said club if I got in.

I guess that all you can really do is try. There is a french quote that I love:

L'important c'est d'essayer

it means "the importance is in trying." That has been my motto for the past few weeks. No matter what happens with school or life or anything, the best and brightest thing you can do is try. Honestly, you are going to be just fine with anything that happens. Failing a test, getting a bad grade, not making the team, you will still be able to say that you gave it your best shot, it's not the end of the world. Let's face it, grades do not matter that much.

I just want to keep trying. I want to push myself to run a marathon one day. I want to get better. Better in every aspect. Better at being optimistic and better at talking and better at learning. Better at running and better at art. I want to make my own movies and I want to learn a new language and read so many books. Maybe even write my own book. (emphasis on the maybe for that one...) Whatever I do, I just have to keep going. You should too. It's human nature to want things, and if you take anything away from this, it is to just keep trying.

That's what I'm going to do, so bring it on.

Here's a video that I made to inspire myself, it has all of my favorite inspirations: The Olympics, Harry Potter, and Disney. I hope it inspires you too!

Check it out: https://vimeo.com/123873657

That's Life.

I...

I don't mind sitting in silence.

I like laying on the beach at night. 

I like to ride my bike around my town with my sunglasses on.

I don't mind re - explaining something if someone doesn't understand.

I love making someone laugh.

I think the little things are the most important.
I like singing at the top of my lungs, no matter how off-key.

I know that everyone can draw something.
I love when someone remembers what I said and brings it up again.

I believe in second chances, but not everyone deserves one.

I love listening to music.
I love the smell of an old bookstore.
I think it's very important to try something new.

I like the feeling of rain on my face.
I believe in karma.

I love when someone hugs you goodbye, or hello.

I love being silly.
I know that no one is perfect.
I think we should take every chance we get.

I think reading is important for your soul.

I know that everyone knows something I don't.

I love surprise parties.
I like both sending and receiving good morning texts.
I think that you should be polite and nice to everyone, no matter who they are.

I love playing the piano.

I know that getting a bad grade isn't the end of the world, and grades are not the most important thing.

I like how quiet it is when the snow falls.

I love the way colors mix together when I paint.

I think it's fascinating how we can't see wind. 

I like to climb trees.

I like how every scar has a story.

I know I can't do everything, but I can do anything.

I love the smell of the ocean.

I like not wearing shoes in the summer.

I like bonfires and s'mores in the summer with my best friends.

I don't believe in bedtimes.

I like to leave my phone behind.
I know that our past has made us who we are, but it does not define our future.

I love movie marathons.
I love playful kittens who snuggle.

I am mesmerized by sunsets.

I think it would be cool to skydive, even though it sounds terrifying.

I want to learn how to surf.
I love how an old book feels in your hands.

I never want to look back in regret.

I like how the classics never get old.

I love backyard barbecues.

I like thunderstorms.

I love a good comeback story.
I like to clap along with the FRIENDS theme song.
I like how we have the power to change anything, at any time.

I love how inspiring photography is, but

I know that you can't capture every moment through a lens.

I never want to lose my imagination.

I love a great beach day.

I think there is nothing like a good drive, with that perfect song, and those perfect people.

I like how lightning looks when it strikes.

I love to cook.

I want to own a huge sailboat one day.

I believe in the power of the ocean.

I love the colors of the fall and the smell of spring flowers.

I think a day is never wasted if you're happy with what you're doing.

I love how extraordinary people can be.

I love how many things we can enjoy.

That's Life.

Change.

I'm beginning to realize the true value of family and friends. I know that I talk about how much I value my friends and family, but recently I have seen the REAL value. It's hard to explain. Maybe it's the fact that they have never left my side, always there in the background, always cheering me on, always supporting me. I've seen people come and go, but these people, they don't forget about me, they don't ignore me. They truly, truly love me. I can be my silly, weird self around these people. These are the people who have been here all along and always will be. Whether it's been recently, or for as long as I can remember. People need other people, and these are the people I need, the ones I'm going to hold on to.

I'm sorry that I haven't posted in over a month, but, as I've said before, I've been so busy participating. There has been so much that has happened. It's been up, down, around in circles and zig-zagged all over the place. And that's okay. I don't think a straight line for a life is much of a life at all.

Did you know that the average person has about 50,000 thoughts per day? Around 70,000 if they are a deep thinker? So, you could imagine that I have thought about a lot of things in a month. I've started a quote book, read The Book Thief(highly recommend), and I'm still managing to get good grades and have a social life! So I guess you could say that things are going well. I'm really looking forward to this summer. I've made some great plans with Laura and my friends and it's just going to be so fun. I can hardly wait until finals are over.

It's going to be a transformation summer. Things are going to change for me. I'm going to make them change, I'm ready for it. I think I've just been feeling stuck for a while, and it's time to do something about it. It's time to let go of the things that have been holding me back and really jump back into life again. Clean my room, paint the walls, get a job, buy new clothes, anything. I'm excited.

I've been really into hand lettering quotes now, so here's just a fewwwww:

Annnnnd some fun pictures with some great people:

With finals just around the corner, I'd better get back to studying.

That's Life.

Hakuna Matata.

Why are we always trying to impress other people? I hate when I go onto Twitter or Instagram and see how much people are trying to impress others. They show off their social life with posed pictures and constantly updating their statuses that they are so glued to the Internet and completely forgetting about the friends that are sitting right next to them waiting to have a real conversation. They stress themselves out trying to impress others that they miss the vacation that they are on and once they get back they complain how it was "too short." I just don't understand how things have gotten to this point. It all seems so meaningless. I'm not even really sure if people notice that they are doing it either.

I don't know about all of you, but with every single one of my friends I would not ask them to be anything but themselves. They don't need the top name brands, or fancy vacations to impress me. I just like them for well..as cliche as it sounds....them. They are loyal and considerate and make me laugh all of the time. If they listen to what I have to say and make me smile when I'm about to cry, I couldn't ask for anything else.

This weekend I went to see the musical 'Meet Me in St. Louis' and when we got back something just hit me. All of the adults (I, of course, do not consider myself an adult yet...) were talking about how much construction was on the road, and how many potholes were in the road and I realized how silly it sounded. Why are we concerning ourselves with this? I don't want to grow up to talk about how the economy is failing or complain about politics...why can't we still act like children and be completely enthralled in what the clouds look like, or how beautiful the stars look on a clear night.

Based on my previous blog posts, I realize how frequently I talk about why we shouldn't be in such a rush to grow up. Maybe it's not so much about not growing up but more that we shouldn't rush through things. I mean, think about it. We have instant access to Internet in our pockets, tablets and computers. We can call anyone in the world in three seconds. Everything is moving so quickly, but would it really hurt to turn that all off and go take a walk? Really people, why do we always have to move so fast?

Just a few more thoughts for you....

I want to be a strong person. A mentally and physically strong person. I've struggled in the past, and I'll struggle in the future, and I may be struggling now, but I'm determined not to give up this time. I think that once I don't care about impressing people, or rushing through everything, or growing up to fast, that I can finally be happy and free from everything that once held me back.

I have recently been inspired to gain all kinds of knowledge. Knowledge of any kind too: vocabulary, random facts, learning a language, learning all kinds of instruments, just....everything. And I know that "everything" is a HUGE term. And yes, of course I know that I won't be able to know everything but I will never push away something new to learn.

A feel good song to end the day:

And how I think that everyday should be spent. 

Well,

That's Life.

Participate.

Hellooooo! Sorry that I haven't posted anything in a month but I've been so busy participating. On the weekend of my birthday one of my friends from one of my first classes freshman year convinced me to go out with her and a bunch of friends. Ironically, this was the weekend that formal recruitment started and I still wasn't sure if I made the right decision to not join a sorority. Well, thanks to that night I've made some awesome new friends, I have a gym buddy now that motivates me to go to the gym everyday, and I haven't laughed as much as I have these past two weeks in a while. Along with all of that, we just got housing for next year and I'm in a townhouse with all of these great people and  we know every person on all three floors of the building. Next year is going to be epic and I am SO excited. #themagictownhouseisreal

So, you know how my last post was about making your own happy? Well, since then I have been thinking about that, and I don't think that you can do that all on your own. I think that you always need a little help, whether your friends are sitting with you at the table making you laugh so hard until you cry, or if you know that they are just a phone call away. But either way, you can't be all alone all of the time. Last semester I focused on school work and got good grades, but I didn't do much else. But already this semester I've started to break out of that cycle, and it's been fantastic. I feel so much better. I feel like I belong somewhere concrete now, not just "at school."

Well, anyways, how many of you watched the Olympics?? I think I'm going through withdrawal from not having them on every night but it's gotten me so excited for my snowboarding trip this weekendddddd. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AND. Laura's coming this time. We gonna have funnn. I will try not to fall on my head so much but I'm determined to land a jump this time, and I will get it on video. :{D

Other than that, I have an MRI sometime over spring break to check on my hip to see what's going on with that, my french teacher told me that my accent is getting very good, I got most of my homework for the break done so I don't have to worry about it, and I don't have so much of a grudge towards sororities. I don't hate them, but I'm just glad that I didn't join one.

I started to reread Divergent before I lent it to someone to read so we could go see the movie together, but while I was reading the first couple of chapters, I started to think of a list of all of the qualities that I hope to have someday. Here it goes:

1. Selflessness.

2. Have courage.

3. Listen with the intent to understand, not to reply.

4. Always be kind.

5. Give everyone an equal chance.

6. Be silly.

7. Be grateful.

8. Have confidence.

On that note, I found this great video on YouTube the other day, and I highly recommend that you watch it:

SPRING BREAK WOOOOO!!

So,

That's Life.